Monday, April 27, 2009

I feel so.....

i feel so 'heavy'
i feel so down
i feel so moody
i feel so guilty
i feel so disappointed
Friends? [YES]
Study? [KINDA]
Parents? [QUITE]
i never ever feel this kind of feeling before
hard for me to describe my feeling now
it's something very complicated
that cant just talk by words
problems keep happening on me this year
after a case then came another case
case by case it seems like never end!
i dont know whether i think too much
it's just my imagination all this while
i dont hope to think much too
but once shity things happened on me
ALL shitx things that i dont wish to think will come along too!!
It's not fun at all
my heart really really very suffer and pain
always asked myself
why do i deserved all this??
for the past 2 years i used to think alot
really alot damn alot
it's because of my latest ex
i getting much better after he leave me at the 1st place
good choice of leaving me
and i thought i can be like a bird
fly wherever i want
but actually i am wrong!
i feel myself like a prison
being spy for 24hours,365days
i dont really feel any freedom in myself
there is always a 'block' whenever i wanted to do something
i feel like i'm being controlled by someone else
no one actually can understand my feeling
they always thought that i'm the most crazy and insane one's
but how far do they actually understand about me?
Don't ever judge me without knowing the truth
knowing more friends and being more socialize
can help alot to release everthing
on saturday nite which is 25th of april 2009
location at outside poppy garden
i saw it with my own eyes what is so called true friends
it's actually all because of my fault
i'm the troublemaker ,i'm the stupiak shit
i bring 3 of my girls along and another one of my past few years ex bf
im not suprise that night almost having a big fight between my ex and another one guy
which is also friend of mine
im trying to settle with that guy but he still so stubborn
he makes me get on my nerves!!
i'm totally fed up and i drink alot at once..thanks ivan=)
not even an hour i almost knock off
doing something crazy where i dance on table..swt=.=
my girls very angry with my behaviour on that night
i'm sorry babe
they have to understand my situation too
cause that time i just finish arguing with the guy who wana fight
so i really very fed up!
i even shouted on my girls..
this is so not me
i never ever shout at my girls before
this is the 1st time
feel so guilty of what i did to you girls
will never happen it anymore i promise
Promise is always a promise.....

7 comments: said...

long time din chat with u le..
ur blog tell me ..u not happy leh..
i tot u will be happy in this period..
dun sad le..
me neither have the same situation with u,but move on ba..
move on togather la..
give me some comment in my blog..
u knw read chinese?

MaYc said...

i duno how to read le..ish cant gv u comment cz i dun undrstnd mandarin at al...hhehe...hmmm...not hapi le..mny thngs happen la..

Joe said...

Since i knew u, reading yr blog, u really happened a lot of shit things, I knowing at all... whatever, that all bad thing will going soon nevertheless yr good luck will coming very very soon... hopes u can do it... anywhere, god bless you !! dude !!

MaYc said...

hmm..thnx joe..hupfully after this happy wil happen..if not i really...ish...

'wl' said...

mahai minum tak ajak ...dgn aku tak de lah gaduh gaduh... said...

lol..never mind..i just have two chinese blogs..haha..
but i hope u reali can be happy..
u both still got contact?
why still hate him ar??

MaYc said...

cntct i duno consider as cntct o nt la..1mnth talk once and nt more than 10mins like that lo..i guess consider cntct rite?ahah..frm de 1st till now i have no right to angry on i wont waste my time on him anymore..=)