I feel so.....

i feel so 'heavy'

i feel so down

i feel so moody

i feel so guilty

i feel so disappointed

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Friends? [YES]

Love? [DEFINITELY]

Study? [KINDA]

Parents? [QUITE]

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i never ever feel this kind of feeling before

hard for me to describe my feeling now

it's something very complicated

that cant just talk by words

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problems keep happening on me this year

after a case then came another case

case by case it seems like never end!

i dont know whether i think too much

or

it's just my imagination all this while

i dont hope to think much too

but once shity things happened on me

ALL shitx things that i dont wish to think will come along too!!

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It's not fun at all

my heart really really very suffer and pain

always asked myself

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why do i deserved all this??

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for the past 2 years i used to think alot

really alot damn alot

it's because of my latest ex

i getting much better after he leave me at the 1st place

good choice of leaving me

and i thought i can be like a bird

fly wherever i want

but actually i am wrong!

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i feel myself like a prison

being spy for 24hours,365days

i dont really feel any freedom in myself

there is always a 'block' whenever i wanted to do something

i feel like i'm being controlled by someone else

no one actually can understand my feeling

they always thought that i'm the most crazy and insane one's

but how far do they actually understand about me?

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Don't ever judge me without knowing the truth

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knowing more friends and being more socialize

can help alot to release everthing

on saturday nite which is 25th of april 2009

location at outside poppy garden

i saw it with my own eyes what is so called true friends

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it's actually all because of my fault

i'm the troublemaker ,i'm the stupiak shit

i bring 3 of my girls along and another one of my past few years ex bf

im not suprise that night almost having a big fight between my ex and another one guy

which is also friend of mine

im trying to settle with that guy but he still so stubborn

he makes me get on my nerves!!

i'm totally fed up and i drink alot at once..thanks ivan=)

not even an hour i almost knock off

doing something crazy where i dance on table..swt=.=

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my girls very angry with my behaviour on that night

i'm sorry babe

they have to understand my situation too

cause that time i just finish arguing with the guy who wana fight

so i really very fed up!

i even shouted on my girls..

this is so not me

i never ever shout at my girls before

this is the 1st time

feel so guilty of what i did to you girls

will never happen it anymore i promise

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Promise is always a promise.....